Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
