If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
