Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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