Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she looked like the before picture.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
