I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
