hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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