i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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