i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
