I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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