I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
