About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
