Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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