Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
