she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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