He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
