Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I intend to get homeless drunk
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As shirtless as possible
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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