What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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