I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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