just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
