So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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