Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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