All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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