So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
