Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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