I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
