Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
