I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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