I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
