I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When are your genitals available?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
