just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
