she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
