You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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