if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Randomize
