you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you made out with another girl for some wings
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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