It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
