FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
