So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you had me at cake vodka
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
