no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
