Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm just crazy horny about you
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
