hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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