jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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