PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
