It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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