the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
whose parrot is this?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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