i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
