I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
