he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
how drunk are you?
Several
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
