I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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