i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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