I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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