Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
