Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
