is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize