I'm going to jail i love you
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
