I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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