you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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