Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
