What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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