that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
