you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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