a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
