Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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