Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
