Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
