It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
