I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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