i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
