my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
