i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
