when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
