My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
